From My Journal: It's All About Perspective
Whew. I’m just going to shoot you straight and let you know that it was really difficult to motivate myself to work on this post, which then forced me to look at why that is. Do you want to know why writing a blog post on the internet about journaling has been so hard? Because it requires me to journal first, and that’s been about the last thing on the planet I’ve wanted to do the past few weeks. So, I had to practice what I’m attempting to teach here and ask myself some tough questions to find my answer. It was based on what I found that I created this specific journaling prompt, so buckle up buttercup, it’s about to get vulnerable.
When I took some time to journal, I realized that I had been avoiding journaling because I was afraid of what would come up. I’ve been so angry at myself lately for not sticking to deadlines, for feeling directionless and wanting to give up that I’ve been afraid to confront the places in my heart that could potentially be pretty ugly.
But the thing is, I know myself to be brave, to do the hard things, and to have hope! But when I'm camping out in a place of fear it’s really easy to forget who I am. When I remember who it’s most like me to be like (brave, resilient, hopeful) I can respond to distressing situations out of the overflow of who I am, rather than when I’m in fear, and I react out of my need to survive.
The survival instinct is truly a gift; it serves a distinct purpose to help us navigate deathly landscapes. But unless you’re Liam Neeson and you’re rescuing your daughter who managed to get herself kidnapped in Europe, this is not a healthy place to live from long term. The decisions I would make if a gun was pointed to my head in a dark alley are not the decisions I would make while eating a cupcake in my kitchen.
When I am confronted by emotions, situations, and people that cause me to feel fearful, I am practicing calming my spirit down and reminding myself of who I am first. Because when we live in the revelation of who we are and who it's most like us to be we can respond out of who we are rather than react to what's in front of us. I call this living out of my 'Core Qualities.'
But it's difficult to live out of your Core Qualities if you don't know what they are! This prompt is going to focus on discovering those Core Qualities so we can practice drawing from our identity when we are gobsmacked with distressing people or circumstances. I am able to identify when I am living from my Core Qualities when I am rooted in peace even if what I'm saying or doing is hard.
I've broken this journaling prompts into two separate but equal parts. First, we're going to spend some time meditating on who YOU perceive yourself to be when you're at your best, and then we're going to get some input from the people closest to you as to who THEY say you are.
TOPIC 2: FINDING OURSELVES, YA'LL.
Set the Mood: Remember, journaling is basically taking yourself on a date--you're daring to grow intimacy with your own heart and that requires a level of commitment, especially in the beginning when it's all new and you don't know yourself very well yet. I would be very wary of anyone who tried to take me on a first or second date and didn't show up on time, take me somewhere with a romantic vibe, and dress up a little bit. Putting in effort allows the space for me to let down my guard--I can tell that you're interested in me, for real. Give your heart the same courtesy! Set the stage for journaling in the beginning so your heart is invited to tell you the truth. For me, this often means lighting some candles, turning on music that I love, and pouring myself something I like in a fancy glass (Martinelli's. It's always Martinelli's.) The point is to do things that feel intentional to you.
Meditate: Start with closing your eyes. Start by inhaling, holding your breath for just a moment, and then slowly exhaling; do this a few times until your mind is clear of anything that would try to distract you from the work that is in front of you, right now. Start by contemplating on the question: What do I most love about myself? I find it helpful to ask this question out loud, with my eyes still closed. Now, wait for the answers. They may come to you all at once like rapid fire, they may come to you one at a time. When you receive these answers, start to jot them down, list style. If you are faith based, you may also want to ask God (or Jesus or Holy Spirit) what they love about you; but it's important to write down the ones that you can agree with right now. We are not focusing right now on who you are becoming or are meant to be--we are building a list of things that you can love about you right now.
Chart It: Pay attention to the qualities that came to mind first; those are most likely the things that you like best about yourself. We're going to make a colorful pie chart of your favorite qualities! NERDY AND BEAUTIFUL AT THE SAME TIME, YA'LL! (You can also make a bar graph, or some other form of chart if you are really not feeling the pie chart, though.) Grab some colored pencils, crayons, pastels, whatever your jam is, just make sure it has some color. Start plotting out your chart, giving the most space to the first few qualities on your list. I drew my chart in ink pen and wrote out the qualities and then filled in with color, but you can complete this portion however feels the most organic to you.
Feedback: Now it's time for part two of this process, which is getting some outside input. Choose a few people that know you well and you are close with and ask them to list 1-3 things that they love most about you. I personally asked six people who have known me varying amounts of time, but all of which know me very well. I found it really helpful to ask this question via text so that their response would be written out; this allowed me to collect all of my friends answers over the course of a week and not risk forgetting anything. Once you have your data, start to list out their answers on a piece of scrap paper, noting anytime an answer is reoccurring.
- Chart It Again: With your new data, we're going to create a second pie chart, surprise! Follow the same process as above; start by drawing a circle in your journal, but make the biggest portions of pie any answers that were duplicated among your friends. For instance, three of my six people said that they love my Generosity of heart and resources, so that got the largest slice of my pie. Keep in mind, this does not have to be mathematically exact; we're using a pie chart as a visual, but we're not dividing actual pie among hungry people, so no need to get crazy and pull out your graphing calculator or anything.
Bonus: It's important to remind yourself of what your Core Qualities are so you can make a conscious effort to respond from the overflow of who you are. I took a watercolor scrap, wrote out all my Core Qualities, and taped it where I would see it every day. I also created phone reminders to pop up with my top 3 qualities throughout the day like tiny cheerleaders. It's hilarious how "You are Generous of Spirit and Resources!" will pop up eerily while I'm in the middle of handling frustrating situations or dealing with difficult people. "I AM generous!" I think to myself, and it's silly how that nudge can shift my attitude into extending kindness because it's who I am not what the situation deserves. Practice, practice, practice!
I hope this exercise is helpful for you! Know that I am cheering you on and celebrating the champions that you are. Would you do me a favor a leave a little feedback? I'm finding that it's pretty difficult for me to quantify my journaling process, so I want to make sure it's as clear and helpful as possible. AND, If you wanted to share, I would LOVE to see what you made and discovered. Feel free to leave comments below, or if you want to share privately, feel free to email me at: hello@inkandhoney.us
XO,
Abigail
Here's the speedy version of my process for this one! The beautiful music in the background is actually my sister, Elizabeth Hope, so check her out!